Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
