Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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