so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
