If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
