youre lurking in front of me
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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