There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
