so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
