I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
