I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
