i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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