I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
