i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
