Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
