U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
