I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
