wakey wakey hands off snakey
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
