I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
