You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
