I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
