so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
