the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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