and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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