My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
