no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Randomize
