I bet he comes in French.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
