Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
