bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
