my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
