My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
