in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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