guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
