i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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