Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
