OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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