No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
