Ambien. No doubt about it.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
