Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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