I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
