They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
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