dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
