I puked a lego.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
