My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
