There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
