you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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