this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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