You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
