i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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