you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
