Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
