Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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