The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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